We all go through changes in life, we grow and become different people than we were ten, fifteen, even twenty years ago. And every once in a while these changes hit us, (that is if we pay attention and actually grow and learn from out mistakes, and what not.)
Today I was pulling weeds when it began to rain, and honestly, there is just something soothing to me about the sound of falling rain, so I sat under our canopy on our patio and just listened. It was then that it hit me.
Throughout my life, with all the ups and downs, the loves and heartaches, the different relationships…all those times that I thought I was happy and couldn’t ask for more…I was wrong. Today under that canopy as the raindrops hit the material and the ground, and I heard the faint thunder off in the distance, and I looked at the surroundings of my home, I felt a true sense of contentment.
When I was younger I pulled weeds and half-heartedly tended the yard. I didn’t find the pleasure and pride that I do now. When I left my married life and that home for what I thought was the love of my life, I tended the yard and still didn’t have that satisfaction. I didn’t look around the place at the end of the day and think, “Wow, I am so fortunate to be living this life and so happy that I’m here.” On the contrary, I wondered at times what the hell I had done, and prayed that life would get better and become what I’d dreamed…not that I would have ever admitted it then. I think the relationships I had then…no, I KNOW the relationships I had at the time were setting me on a course to the life I have now. Each one was different and taught me things, and each time I had a yard to maintain it gave me a little bit more of the picture that I knew I wanted.
The yard…while in part it is the actual yard that I have, the grass, the flowers that need watering and attention, the caring and time that is needed to grow the beautiful roses that I realize I am proud of…it is more a representation of the life I have. Not the material things, though I appreciate them, it’s the family, the people that are in my life.
Had anyone told me seven years ago that I would be a published author, married to the woman of my dreams, surrounded by amazing people that I am honored to call friends, I would have told them that they were crazy. When people said that they loved their life, I always thought they were nuts, and maybe yes they loved life because they had the perfect home, the perfect job, perfect whatever…(of course I was in a pretty low place in my life at that time.) The perfect life does exist, it’s in how you view life and the people in it, it’s in the effort you put into it, it’s in the results you are willing to accept.
I’ve never been the outgoing center of attention person who advocates for the rights of others. I’d never been politically savvy or that interested in politics. My comfort was in writing my thoughts and feelings in characters that I was perfectly happy if they never saw the light of day. When I say that we go through changes it’s because of this. The person I am today…while I’m still not the center of attention, I’m also not the wallflower on the outer fringes who never spoke. Today I find myself getting outraged by the stupidity and outright hateful attitude people have for anyone who is different. My characters…well they are out in the world now, and they have fans.
I suppose what I’m saying is this, maybe we only realize the changes our lives have gone through when we realize that we have our strongest supporter standing beside us. With that person beside us, we can do anything.
My strongest supporter came into my life seven years ago, that’s when I started to realize all the good things in my life, and they haven’t stopped. HJ, I want to thank you..thank you for supporting me, and making me want to be a better person, thank you for the love you freely give, and allowing me to be a part of your life. You always tell people that you couldn’t do all that you do if not for me, but I don’t think you understand that without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Thank you, thank you for playing the role in my life that you do, for the love you give me on a daily basis, and the warmth you surround me with. Thank you for the home you help me make and share with me our children, grandchild, kittens, and friends. Together we are all family, one which I am forever grateful for.