So it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything. I can’t really blame it on one specific reason other than life happens. I wish I could say that it’s all been good and I’ve had fun being away, but that’s not the case. As I said life happens and sometimes not for the best…or maybe for the best we just don’t see it or want to accept it.
For example, my granddaughter— she started school today! Her first day of kindergarten. (I don’t know if you can really say that that is school, or not. Because while she isn’t studying chemistry or anything, she is still learning things. And most importantly she is away from us, out in the world even if it is just in a small town school.) Kindergarten– the excitement of a new place, with different expectations, new faces, new experiences…a place I-we can’t protect her from mean kids, kids who are bullies say mean hurtful things. This is harder than sending my own kids off to school. I suppose the word for it is bittersweet. It hurts to see her growing up, and not being able to hold on to her, yet watching her become this wonderful amazing young girl that can and will do whatever she sets her mind too. (Yeah I think that’s the scary part, know that she will do whatever she sets her mind to…Lord she is one stubborn kid. All I can think of is who the hell thought it was a good idea to have her be independent, have her own thoughts and ideas? I’ll blame HJ, yeah she is the one that taught all that!)
Yesterday my son, little one, and I went fishing, and just watching her was an experience. Anyone that has had the experience of fishing with a youngster will understand. There is just something about watching them and seeing the excitement in them as they learn to bait their hook and cast their line…land their first fish. Oh and the look of awe, excitement and fear as you tell them to hold the fish up so you can take their picture. Mi (pronounced My) was looking at me like I’d lost my head…I know she was thinking “G’ma are you crazy, this thing is flipping around slimy and smelly and YOU want ME to hold it up? YEAH UH NOOO….) Now here is the really funny thing, after the fish was off the hook and on the stringer, all she wanted to do way play with it, and hold it. She’d pull the stringer out of the water touch the fish, handled the fish, put it back in the water only to repeat the process a few hundred more times. Then there was the joy and wonder of watching the geese and the running because they were coming to close to her. (Daddy told her to be careful so they didn’t bite her. Way to go daddy!) The truth is they were a little upset that we were on “THEIR shore.” I think they even scared daddy.) There’s nothing quite like watching your six foot, two hundred pound son walk on eggshells around two birds. (Talk about a wuss…lol)
Yes, I can honestly say this summer has been filled with good memories… lots of fishing, and taking the time to enjoy life, lessons learned…such as it’s never a good idea to leave your ROCKSTAR drink on the ground at the side of your chair as your fishing when there is a curious chipmunk around. AND NEVER EVER a good idea to try to see if he would like some beer. (Alvin did not in fact try the beer, mainly because I scared him when I toppled the chair over.) And it’s always a good idea to make sure your friend NEEDS that push up the hill before actually giving her that unexpected boost. (Did you know when they aren’t expecting it, that boost is really not that helpful? In fact all ya do is push them over flat on their face. Well..okay it WAS good for a laugh.) Glad you weren’t hurt G!
One the downside of things sometimes life sucks, and you are dealing with things you never thought you’d deal with. Elderly relatives, sometimes have a way of making you think of how you will have to deal with parents in their declining years. There comes a time in life when those people you always thought of as strong and full of life, really aren’t…they have become sick and weak. And the realization that you, the once child that they took care of, and never lost patience with, now have to do the same for them.
I am experiencing feelings I never thought I’d have…anger, frustration…I’m hurt, I’m lost in knowing how to deal with them and their stubbornness, and fearful that one day my parents maybe in their situation. I’m feeling guilt over all the anger and frustration, and yet the simple fact that I am human and have compassion and love for them creates this cycle that I find hard to break. I hope and pray that I am doing what is right for them, and still being the support they believe me to be.
Such is the day in the life…my parting thought is that at least at the end of a few days, I know life is good, and the day was well spent.
P.S To top the weekend off Guess who got to meet LANCE BASS?? MY VERY ON
HJ!!!! (She even got a pic!)