Time flies when you’re having fun, at least that’s what I’ve always heard. But think about it, even when you aren’t having fun time flies…okay some things make it seem like it’s dragging but for the most part it seems that the day is gone in a blink of an eye.
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, at least that’s what I understand from the little thingy that tells me when my last post was made, but it feels like it was only yesterday. Whether or not I was having fun I honestly couldn’t say. I mean it feels like it’s been one thing after another.
My Aunt was back in the hospital, so once again I was taking my Uncle to see her. HJ went out of town again so there was all the preparation to make that happen, then well just everyday life. Demon Kitten needs fed as does the puppy dog and Pouncer, the lawn needs taken care of, dishes need done, house needs cleaned…it never stops.
But I suppose it’s all of those things that keep us going. Time flies…
I was thinking just yesterday about time, and how we just assume there is always going to be plenty of it. Not long ago I remember my afore mentioned Aunt and Uncle being strong and active…indestructible (at least to my seven year old mind). My Aunt, so young and pretty, with her dark hair neatly combed as she rushed out on some errand. My Uncle sharply dressed, his hair combed back, the cigar held securely between his fingers; handsome and strong. In a blink of an eye today they are weak, frail, their once dark hair now white. They struggle to walk the distance from the front door to the car, their eyes not quite finding me as they speak in my direction…I pretend that they are still the strong rock solid people that are in my memory, but my heart tells me the roles are now reversed. Once they watched over me…now I must watch over them. It’s hard, It’s undeniable to me that my time with them is growing short and I don’t know how to deal with that…I mean… dealing with that means I’ll have to face my parents position in life as well. And I realize that I am very fortunate to still have both of my parents and how selfish I am to always want them right where they are.
I’m struggling with a couple of things, one of them being… how do I take care of them when they still believe they are capable of doing that themselves…how do I help them without making them feel like they are children? I’m tellin ya folks this one is throwing me for a loop. While I always knew parents, aunts and uncles would grow old, it never really occurred to me that watching it happen would be so hard.
I feel helpless at times, I feel like I should step in and just do things for them…pick him up and place him in the car, or just take the grocery list from her and do the shopping for her. Just give me the purse and I’ll get your credit card so you don’t misplace it, are you sure you even had it before we left the house…these thoughts go through my head and I then I feel so disrespectful, lower than a worms belly, because really these people had so much patience for me as a child.
I wonder will my children feel the same about me? Will my niece’s and nephew’s think the same? Will I be just as stubborn and tell them that I don’t want to be a burden to them…probably because when it’s all said and done, none of us want’s to admit that we can’t do it anymore…