“Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?” Okay it’s not a good little girl that’s destroying my beautiful wickedness…NOT that I have a wickedness beautiful or otherwise. I’m just in that kind of mood! Of all the things in the world that can go right, the one thing I hear that makes me somewhat happy is that I’m scheduled for one of the root canals next week. YAY I get to be in pain to get rid of my pain! (And I in no way mean that in a sarcastic way, tooth pain is the worst.) But there is something wrong when hearing I get to see the sadistic one makes me smile don’t ya think? I should be able to look at my little dog (who is cute in a goofy sort of way) and see sunshine and rainbows and bright pretty flowers appear, along with butterflies and singing birds. BUT NOooo…we can’t have that happen can we. No not at all…now okay I’ll admit, it was all due to my graceful movements that this happened but still, come on…here’s how it went down.
Being the sweet loving pet owner that I am, I put my sweet puppy on her leash for her morning walk…gotta be responsible right can’t just have her running all over god’s creation! I have my slippers on, and we’ve just stepped outside. Again I’m being responsible and closing the sliding glass doors; because well as you know we have two very opportunistic cats who are NOT allowed outside. Okay here is where my gracefulness makes it’s appearance. I sort of stumble…I don’t fall, but I do drop the leash. Oh crap…do not panic and whatever you do do NOT let the puppy dog know she has all the freedom in the world.
I know my dog, and I know how she thinks…and I can hear the thoughts in her head and they go something like this: (all processed in a cross between Goofy and Pinky, of Pinky and the Brain fame, voice.) “Alright, a walkin we will go! Is the master following? Gotta make sure we don’t lose hym. Yeah we don’t cuz mama would be really mad if we did. Hm, ya know for as slow is master usually is, hy is sorta spry this morning…wait a minute. Does the leash feel like it has more slack than usual? Why yes…yes it does. Hmm looks like Master is in a bit of a rush, OOO that means we can run! YESSSS We love to run! Oh wow, we’re free…run, run like the wind!!!” And run is what she does, with an occasional glance behind her at me as the look in her eyes screams to me “HA, catch me now SUCKER!”
Normally I don’t panic when she runs like that, (yes it’s happened before, and she doesn’t obey worth a crap, and apparently I don’t learn my lessons very well either,) She will run a bit, and the come back home where she will sit at the front door until we let her in. And IF I’m that worried I know where she will go so I can hop in the car and go get her. BUT OH NO…not today because I hear the FED-EX man coming down the road. And while I’m not exactly happy the little animal, I don’t want her hurt right…God is on my side and Mr. FED-EX see’s my little bundle of joy running for all she is worth, dragging her pretty purple leash behind her. Jenna…Jenna is her name, is a small dog; she is a min-pin pug mix that weighs all of twelve pounds. And like most small breeds, she thinks she is big and bad. She attacks lawn mowers, weed whackers, bikes of all kinds…has tried to take on a tractor tire or two at times (not really but you get the picture now.) Jenna sees the truck slowing as it passes her, and all I can think is Oh damn stay away from the tires!!
She does…but she also does a complete mid-stride turn in midair about face…barking and growling the entire time as the tires come to a stop. I’m thinking YES she has stopped, and I go towards her and the dragging leash….and she sees me…we make eye contact, and I swear to god I see her say…”na na na na na na..” AND OFF she goes again.
Mr. FED-EX says, “Aw she is a tiny one, is she yours?”
“Yeah, yeah she is.”
“Will she come back?”
“Yeah she’ll get tired and come back, or it’ll start to rain and she will get wet and melt.” (She doesn’t like rain, or snow, or her feet wet, or….)
“Ok, well I hope she’ll be alright,” says Mr. FED ( I’m gonna call him Fed from now on, because I believe we should be on a first name basis by now.) Fed gets back in his truck and starts it up…and GUESS who comes a runnin for all she is worth? Yes, Jenna. Now Fed is pretty smart, and well being a delivery man knows that treats are a good thing, so he has a bag with him AND he leaves the truck running…well because turning it off would certainly make the dog run again. Fed steps out of the truck as Jenna sits and pants, and says the appropriate “HI! Whatcha got, you gotta pet me, I need to lick you…hm you smell like BACON!” Fed picks up her leash and meets me at the edge of my driveway. I thank him profusely as Jenna looks at him as though he has just betrayed her in the most hurtful manner. Poor poor Jenna…it was gonna rain anyway so deal.
It’s normal to be somewhat annoyed at both myself and Jenna…I know she will take off at the first chance she gets, because well she is a bundle of energy, but seriously, she also knows that I don’t have a snowballs chance of catching her unless she wants to be caught. Ordinarily, I’m annoyed, we come in she wags her tail as if to say I’m sorry and I’ll never do it again we make up and all is good again. But today it just hit a nerve, and here is why…(yes another story, I’m a writer what did you expect?)
My love is generally a very easy going water rolls off her back sort of person, unless she is extremely tired stressed beyond imagination and still has a metric ton of work staring at her. Everyone has days like that…for her lately though it seems (at least to me) like it’s been months. She is amazing, she works, she volunteers, she travels for work, she is on the Civil Rights Committee, she fights the good fight ya know. Every once in a while though I have to remind her that she is human and needs to take a break, to sit back relax and just be. Does she listen to me…once in a while she does, mostly I hear “WHY?” (Honey, I need you to put that board down…” “Why?” “Please just put it down carefully…” “WHY?” “UH cuz there’s a wasps nest underneath.” “OMG WHY WOULD YOU LET ME PICK IT UP TO BEGIN WITH??” …. “Honey can you stand up and go over there?” “WHY…” “Because theres a spider above you.” “KILL IT!!!” uh huh…right after you get out of the way.) It’s never a simple request followed by no questions. But I adore her and wouldn’t have it any other way. So I absolutely hate it when she is in tears on the phone because someone said something stupid, or is made to feel like her opinion doesn’t matter, or that it’s her fault that someone ELSE didn’t do their job. It brings out every protective instinct I possess and I want to make it alright for her ya know. I wanna be her knight in shining armor and slay those dragons.
I know I can’t do that and it makes me feel so useless because ‘I’m sorry honey,’ doesn’t make it better, it doesn’t make people less stupid or more responsible, or be accountable and that just sucks.
Yes, I’m a writer… an author, and most of the time I am listening to the voices and participating in conversations that only I know about and understand; and the title “A day in the life of a writer” suggests that I’m going to impart some kind of wisdom into the mind of… a writer. And honestly I wish I could, I hope I made someone smile maybe even chuckle, but face it writers don’t always live in a world of make believe.